For the last week we have been struggling with the thought that our surprise third addition to our family may not be coming after all.  The doctors said that sometimes it is difficult to catch the heartbeat this early, but they were concerned with the growth.  At the time of the ultrasound the baby should have been at 8 weeks and based on the size, it was just over 5 weeks growth.  We were told that we needed to come back in 1 week to see for sure if there was a heartbeat and if there was growth.  If they saw either that we would have to monitor things.  If we saw neither, than the pregnancy was not viable.

Not viable, such cold, thoughtless words for a couple whose world has just been rocked.  I can understand trying to not get attached, but you’re too late for that.  Names thought about, outfits purchased, family/friends/kids told.  It still feels like time is standing still in that office, trying to take it all in.  Process it.  Digest it.  I know this is your job, but can you possibly try and sympathize with your patient.  Imagine what they are going through.

A week of prayer and hopeful thinking has gone by and we visited the doctor again yesterday.  It’s just a shame that hopefully thinking did not come true.  The harsh reality I think Michelle and I both knew had come true that there had been no growth.  The baby was still at 5 weeks and there was no heartbeat.  The doctor said that more than likely at the 5th week mark that for whatever reason the baby stopped growing.  More than likely it was a chromosome issue that affected the baby and caused it to stop growing.  1 in 3 pregnancy’s this happens he says.  A stat I never wanted to be completely a part of.

Sorry to tell some of you like this, but to be honest I dreaded this day.  Coming into work having to tell people, actually verbalizing it, I think reliving it over and over makes it worse.  I hope you can understand and forgive me for telling you like this.

Thank you all for your support, your love, your prayers.

Matthew’s meeting with Morgan, went great.  I think Michelle and I both were a little concerned over the fact that there wasn’t much personalization for Matthew leading up to the birth, so I for one wasn’t sure how he was going to adjust to her, but we couldn’t ask for anything better to be honest.  Matthew loves on her all the time and wants to be right next to her and hold her and the whole nine yards.  It really is wonderful to see.  Two wonderful things that came out of yesterday though, I have to share.

Michelle got up to get the portable breast pump that the hospital left us to pump, more on that shortly, and she was rolling it over to the bed.  Matthew was standing next to me out of Michelle’s way and he looks over at her and says “Mommy, is that a gas pump?”  Where this came from I have no idea, but it was absolutely hilarious.  It was difficult for Michelle to not laugh to hard because it hurt so much.

Next as I was holding Morgan, Matthew was next to me petting her face and giving her kisses.  He looks up at me and says so matter-of-factly, “Why’s she not purring?”  I had to make sure everyone in the room heard that one.  Boy can you tell we are cat people or what   We later explained to Matthew that only kitty’s purr

So back to the breast pump.  Michelle is very much in favor of breast feeding and was adamant with me that she wanted to ensure whatever happened in surgery that she was to breast feed Morgan an hour after she was born.  So we got all finished and back to the recovery room and she was able to feed her, all was well.  I think she even fed her again once we got to our next room, but I could be mistaken.  Well of course as I go to pick up Matthew and take my mom home, a nurse comes in and tells Michelle that she can’t breast feed, there is an issue with her medication.  Now let me remind you we have seen umpteen doctors during this pregnancy.  We saw a regular OB, we saw a high risk OB, Michelle saw her Lupus doctor in Baltimore, she saw a Lupus doctor in Philly, she saw a psychiatrist in altimore, and I can’t even count the total number of visits.  But what I can count is the number of times there was an issue about breast feeding, none.  Michelle made it a point to ensure her vast medications would not in any way bother the baby in utero or afterwards during breast feeding.  Well apparently one doctor/nurse here at HUP got a hair up her butt about Wellbutrin.  So she said, was not a recommendation as they later tried to say it was, she couldn’t breast feed until more info was known and discussed.  So Morgan was given bottles of formula until the issue could be resolved.  Well after discussing with numerous doctors during the day and Michelle calling most of her doctors to get them to contact HUP and let them know there was no issue, they said OK, it won’t be a problem, but not so fast.  Turns out for whatever reason they decided that Prilosec was not the devil and she could not be on it and breast feed.  So now we had to wait 24 hours to get the Prilosec out of her system before she was able to breast feed.  Well one sympathetic nurse let Michelle breast feed her that night and she has continued ever since.  Problem with all this is, well there is too many to discuss in detail but, Morgan didn’t want to latch on in the beginning, nipple confusion as they say, but no arm no foul as she has taken very well to things today.

Michelle is doing good as long as they keep her percocet and Motrin in her.  Morgan is doing great.  She is one lazy kid   Sleeps most of the day and is the quietest thing in the world as long as you let her be.  The minute you try moving her around or uncovering her, she starts to wail.

Finally, barring any setbacks tomorrow is going home day!  We hope to be out of here by noon, but we’ll see how everything goes.  Nurse said they should be in in the morning to remove Michelle’s staples and there is nothing left for Morgan so after that we should be fine.  Will post again as soon as we get home to let everyone know.  Sorry no pictures tonight because I will be staying here and don’t have a memory card slot in this laptop.  But I will make sure I post some tomorrow.  Thanks to everyone for their thoughts, prayers, emails, the works.  It’s greatly appreciated.

The Miller’s!

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Saturday Michelle was having contractions and we went into the hospital for the heck of it. They were about 10 to 7 minutes apart. Doc came in and basically said not much we can do until you get down to about 2 minutes apart. So we packed up and headed home. Michelle was leery because the contractions were close to 5 minutes apart but we headed home anyway.

As the night moved on they were definitely 5 and sometimes closer apart, all the while increasing in pain. By 7:00am Michelle was in quite a good bit of pain. Unsure if it was just the labor pains or her sciatica acting but with every contraction she said it was like someone was jabbing a knife into her back. She called the Doc again and they said come on in we’ll see what we can do. So while Michelle was getting ready I got Matthew ready and packed the car with the essentials that I missed Saturday.

We got to the hospital and by this time contractions were between 3 and 5 minutes apart and Michelle was in a great deal of pain.  Reluctantly she came to the realization it would probably be best to do a C-Section than try natural with as much pain as she was feeling, so we talked to the nurse and she said she would have the doctor come and talk to us.  Doctor James came in and was extremely delicate in her examination of the cervix, extreme sarcasm at this point, which was dilated to over 3 cm.  Michelle gave quite a scream and the Doc said OK we’ll get you in for a C-Section.

At this point everything moved real quickly.  I don’t think there was any need to rush as far as issues go, because both Michelle and Morgan were fine.  I really don’t know what the rush was but there was a rush.  From the time the Doc said C-Section to the time she was in the OR, it was only about 3 hours or so.  Thanks to Tom and Theresa who came to the rescue quick fast and in a hurry to get to the hospital to grab Matthew and whisk him away.

The epidural didn’t go so well as the “resident” or as I call them trainee, took numerous jabs at Michelle trying to get it right.  Luckily I wasn’t there as they gave it to her in the OR and I was waiting in the recovery room until she was all ready.  Finally they came and got me and back I went to the OR.  This is where I tell you the story that I will never forget for the rest of my life.  I, in no way, consider myself an expert in births or C-Section’s having taken place in only 1 before, so just keep that in mind.  When I came in I sat down behind the curtain next to Michelle’s head where she was out cold.  As I watched her as the procedure was happening I kept seeing her eyes move around and her lips move like she was dreaming.  I made a mental note to ask her if she remember what she was dreaming about because it looked like she was active to say the least.  Well they started pulling on her pretty good and all of a sudden her eyes just popped wide open.  I start hitting the anesthesiologist and pointing to her, not wanting to alarm her any more than she already was.  He looks down and looks back at me and says “What?”  Shocked and appalled my wife possibly was awake during this thing and feeling everything I start frantically pointing at her and he again says “What’s wrong?”  So I politely but nervously say “She’s awake!”  He then proceeds to take all the air out of me by saying “She has been awake the whole time.”  So as I look down at Michelle and she gives confirmation of this, I have to take a huge breath and relax.    OK all of you can stop laughing, because it wasn’t so funny to me at the time, I promise you

So, now at 2:27pm on Sunday May 18, 2008, Morgan Michelle Miller was born weighing 5 pounds 14.2 ounces and 19 inches long.  Crying and screaming away as she came out, and it got worse as they tried to suck the gunk out of her lungs and pipes   Afterwards, Michelle had no issues at all and is doing well.  Morgan the same.  The whole family is doing well.  Thanks to everyone for their thoughts and prayers and continue to do so please.

That’s it for delivery day, will try and post some more especially Matthew’s first visit with Morgan earlier today either tonight or in the next day or so.  Will also post a few more pics as well.

Scott

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Love, the Miller’s!  Scott, Michelle, Matthew, and Morgan!

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Scott

Scott

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It’s vacation time for me.  I took next week off just for prep sake   And the following week I took off for paternity leave.  So finally a little R & R for me, LOL yeah right.  Besides the house having to get put together for Michelle’s and not to mention my mom’s arrival, we also have a little bundle coming home soon enough   But on top of that I had so much work to do at the office I had to bring some of it home with me to try and finish while I am off.  That’s it for me for now, I am pooped.  Long night of tossing and turning and snoring and no I am not meaning me

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The big news in this post is late last week Michelle scheduled the induction for Friday May 23rd. So if Morgan doesn’t show up by then she will Did I mention that is just over two weeks away. Anyway everyone is doing very well. Michelle is becoming very much immobile. Hurts to do most everything. But all in all, everyone is well.

Last but not least, another thing to make me nervous is that we have scheduled a weekend getaway to visiting my family at the beach this weekend. I have had my worries as it is about 2.5 hours away from the hospital but Michelle wants to go, so Friday we are off to spend some quiet peaceful time at Bethany Beach.

We’ll keep you updated as time ticks on by

Scott

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National Pastime vs. National Pastime – Enjoying the wonderful springtime weather we have been having has been our neighbors, at least some of them. Behind our townhouse is a stretch of grass where a lot of the kids play.  Well recently we have had a mirror image National Pastime game going on.  On one side is the kids playing baseball with a tennis ball.  The flip side was a group of Indians playing cricket; real, live, cricket.  It’s been wild watching.  I will be the first to admit I am a pretty big sports nut but I have never paid much attention to cricket.  It’s been fun seeing both catchers back to back as they play.  I don’t know if the guys are playing legit rules or not but it does look interesting.

Our Other Neighbors – They are real jackasses.  No serious, they are, see…

It seems everywhere we go we have animal life following us.  Many of you that have been following us around know about good ole friendly Groundhog.

He took up residence underneath our shed at the old house.  We only saw him the first year and then we saw him no more.  But in any case, in front of our townhouse across the cul de sac is a small farm that houses the three donkeys shown above as well as a goat or two and a flock of Canadian geese.  The other day after church, Matthew and I walked over because we saw that they were all out close to the fence.  Matthew proceeded to feed them dying grass and pet them without fear at all.  I was a little concerned just because of their look

Pregnancy Update – I guess if I am going to post something I should update the pregnancy eh   Michelle is doing fine.  We have past the “Matthew Mark” where Matthew was born at 33 weeks and 6 days, which I think has relieved some stress on Michelle.  This pregnancy has been polar opposite of Matthew’s.  Michelle really has had no issues at all, knock on wood.  Michelle is now starting to see the doctor once a week and is undergoing non-stress tests twice a week to ensure all is continuing as it should.  One of the last ultrasounds we actually got a half decent shot so I will try and scan some of them and post for all.  Going back in time some just because I never remembered to post it.  It was funny when all this started we went to Hospital at the University of Penn for the first time, Michelle had been having nausea problems, much unlike Matthew’s pregnancy.  The funny thing is the link between smells.  When we got to the hospital, Matthew had to potty so I took him while Michelle was waiting and I was washing my hands afterwards and the smell of the soap brought back so many memories of being in the NICU after Matthew was born.  I washed my hands so many times going in and out, I don’t think I will ever forget that smell.  At the time and even now I thought it was funny that Michelle was having so many problems with smells and this smell brought me back to one of the happiest moments of my life.

Netflix - Since the loss of DirecTV to try and save some money as well as fighting with the Installer about what he could and couldn’t do to the townhouse, we added Netflix to compensate for my loss of movies   I am not prepared to say that it is in the same category as Sirius Satellite Radio or Tivo but I am digging it.  It is nice to just request a movie and it be here in a day.  I have really enjoyed putting lists together which falls in line with one of my all time favorites “High Fidelity”.  I have added our Queue on the main page, probably right next to this if you are reading it   Enjoy what we are about to enjoy   In this same line, my top ten favorite movies…

1. “Ocean’s Eleven” – An unbelievable movie with a great cast.  Awesome one liners and an incredible witty dialog.
2. “The Matrix” – Simply amazing visual movie and a techie’s dream
3. “Se7en” – Fascinating movie.  Very dark and disturbing.  I have always had a fascination for serial killers and the such.
4. “Serendipity” – With main characters being in my top 5 it’s hard to find something wrong, other than Molly Shannon of course.  This movie will always remind me of finding my wife
5. “High Fidelity” – Cusack strikes again   Incredibly funny and “this one’s creeping up the charts.”
6. “Notting Hill” – Sucker for Romantic Comedies.  Great soundtrack.
7. “August Rush” – I love music and music and movies are an escape for me.  This is a great movie!
8. “Constantine” – Keanu is in my top 5, yeah I know, but I can’t help it.  Reminds me of This Present Darkness and Piercing the Darkness by Frank E. Peretti.
9. “Alien” – How can you not love this movie.  One of the first movies where you think something is gonna happen the music makes you think something is gonna happen, but nothing does, and then someone turns the other way and there is an alien ready to implant you!  Gotta love it.
10. “Equilibrium” – Wow, along the lines of “The Matrix”.  Christian Bale is creeping into my top guys, don’t believe me check out “The Machinist” yikes.

So if you’re on Netflix, add me as a friend.

NFL 2008 – So the season is upon us, yeah I know it’s still 5 months till opening night, but the draft is less than two weeks away.  That’s the start of the season for me   Michelle knows draft weekend, I disappear in front of the TV to watch all 20 hours or so   The scheudle was released today and I can help but show my optimism.  Overall the Eagles have a balanced schedule with a max run of 2 road games and those are Cincy and Baltimore.  5 prime time games is very good.  2 Monday night games with one at home.  Icing on the cake, Thanksgiving night game at home against the Cards.  My first projections of the year…

W, L, W, W, W, W, Bye, W, W, L, W, W, W, L, W, W, W = 13-3

That’s right, 13-3, and should be first seed in the NFC   Not your typical Philly Fan, what can I say.

So that’s it for now.  I’m tired of typing, dinner is being fixed, and the Flyers are about to come on.  Stole home ice advantage and first home game is tonight.  The Wachovia Center should be hopping!  See ya!

Scott

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After Michelle and Matthew dropped me off at work, they went and ate breakfast and dropped by Walmart to waste some time until the doctors appointments.  Michelle started picking some small things out one in blue and one in pink.  She started asking Matthew which one he liked.  After awhile he started saying “I don’t like the pink one, I want the blue.”  Previously Matthew has really not commented on the boy or girl question, other than a small “I want a baby brother.”

In any case, they came and picked me up from work off we went to the doctors.  Michelle’s first appointment was her visit with the high risk doctors.  As usual we waited and waited and finally got into an office where one of the doctors in the practice came and chatted with us.  We went over a few things and we then were pushed back into the waiting room to wait for a room for the ultrasound.  He I think we waited another hour before being taken back, but the time waiting was well spent as we discussed more baby names.  After awhile, Matthew finally wanted to join in so he gave his opinion on all our suggestions, “No!” and gave some choices of his own, Mater, Marlin, Nemo, Sally, and various other cartoon characters

Michelle went back first because the nurse didn’t want Matthew around if by chance there was anything wrong.  I don’t know about you, but this bothered me.  I understand her concern for Matthew, but he is so young, the only thing he understand is if his mother or father are upset.  What about Michelle, should something be wrong, she would have been alone in this cold room as the nurse tells her “I am so sorry to tell you this, but…”.  In any case MBS was not cooperating very well so Michelle went to relieve her bladder and try to get MBS to turn some to get a better look see.  In the mean time, the nurse brought us back to the room and we waited for Michelle to get back.

Michelle got back and got all set up and here’s where the fun began   Matthew stood on the stool next to her and I stood up as we watched the pictures come across the screen.  I have to pause here and say, in my opinion, ultrasounds are the most amazing thing in the world.  There is nothing like knowing you have created a new being, but to see this being alive, moving, and to actually see fingers, and bones, and a spine, all I can say is breath taking.  Matthew really enjoys seeing the baby on the screen and talks the whole time.  Well we get a good picture of the heart and see it beating up a storm and the nurse tells up it’s the heart but Matthew proclaims to us “I see the babies head!”  We try to tell him that it is the heart but he was having nothing to do with it, “See you can see the mouth moving!”  Well we all got a kick out of that and the nurse kept getting pretty good shots of the fingers and arms and legs, the whole nine yards.

Well MBS was not cooperating much at all in getting a head shot or a genital shot so the nurse proceed to push pretty hard into Michelle’s stomach and wiggle quite hard.  Kind of felt bad for the kid as they were going through a hurricane right now   Well MBS finally moved a bit and we did get to see the head and face as well as a quick glance at the genitals.

Have I put you through enough torture yet   Well, with 95% certainty the nurse says, “It’s a girl!”  To be honest I am thrilled for Michelle, because I knew she wanted a girl.  The cliche of wanting a healthy baby is really true for me.  The only thing I care about is a healthy baby whatever   But the only thing I am having difficulties with at this point is that I don’t see a baby girl currently at 20 weeks old, no, I see a 16 year old beautiful young lady trying to go on a date and me with numerous guns there cleaning them as her date comes calling to the house.  At some point pretty quickly I am going to hvae to get this image out of my head   In any case, she had her legs crossed at the ankles and her head down to her chest which made things very difficult.  The nurse and the doctor who later came in said that everything looked great.  She currently weighs 12 ounces.  No visual birth defects, everything looked completely normal which I am thrilled with.

Well Matthew still I don’t think has taken to the fact that he will have a little baby sister instead of a brother.  Michelle is a little worried about that but I told her he will have to adjust to any new child, boy or girl, doesn’t matter.

To be honest I can barely keep my eyes open any longer as this has taken way longer than I wanted, but it was fun torturing all of you that made it this far The next step is to go to the polls section and vote for what name you like.  Michelle and I have our favorite, but I am not willing to call it a day yet as we still have plenty of time left to make a decision.

Thank you to all of you that read this and for all the support you all give us!

All our love, Scott, Michelle, Matthew, and MBS!

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