For the last week we have been struggling with the thought that our surprise third addition to our family may not be coming after all.  The doctors said that sometimes it is difficult to catch the heartbeat this early, but they were concerned with the growth.  At the time of the ultrasound the baby should have been at 8 weeks and based on the size, it was just over 5 weeks growth.  We were told that we needed to come back in 1 week to see for sure if there was a heartbeat and if there was growth.  If they saw either that we would have to monitor things.  If we saw neither, than the pregnancy was not viable.

Not viable, such cold, thoughtless words for a couple whose world has just been rocked.  I can understand trying to not get attached, but you’re too late for that.  Names thought about, outfits purchased, family/friends/kids told.  It still feels like time is standing still in that office, trying to take it all in.  Process it.  Digest it.  I know this is your job, but can you possibly try and sympathize with your patient.  Imagine what they are going through.

A week of prayer and hopeful thinking has gone by and we visited the doctor again yesterday.  It’s just a shame that hopefully thinking did not come true.  The harsh reality I think Michelle and I both knew had come true that there had been no growth.  The baby was still at 5 weeks and there was no heartbeat.  The doctor said that more than likely at the 5th week mark that for whatever reason the baby stopped growing.  More than likely it was a chromosome issue that affected the baby and caused it to stop growing.  1 in 3 pregnancy’s this happens he says.  A stat I never wanted to be completely a part of.

Sorry to tell some of you like this, but to be honest I dreaded this day.  Coming into work having to tell people, actually verbalizing it, I think reliving it over and over makes it worse.  I hope you can understand and forgive me for telling you like this.

Thank you all for your support, your love, your prayers.

Anyway, Morgan, I would dare to say is taking this better than both of us  I have to say we really do have some great kids.  She has gotten to the point now where the finger sticks to test her blood are OK.  She doesn’t fight, she doesn’t even cry when it happens.  She will even tell us it didn’t work if we aren’t holding it tight enough to her finger  The shots still are a battle and I expect them to be for quite awhile, but we just have to deal with them.  Four times a day getting a needle stuck in you just plain sucks.

Other than that the biggest issue for all of us is food.  For a child who literally ate all day long without stopping, it is extremely difficult to tell her no you can’t eat that now.  We have to keep her on a bit of a schedule plus anything she eats outside of meals has to be “free” food which contains no or very little carbs so it does not affect her blood glucose.  The night before we left for Maryland I think we shopped in Acme for about 3-4 hours, mostly staring at labels trying to find low/no carb snacks that she can eat.  As much as she would like, she can’t survive on nothing but cheese sticks all day long  From here on out, the biggest hurdle for us will be cooking.  Michelle I think is scared to death to try and cook because it is so difficult knowing how many carbs are in anything she cooks.  We purchased some diabetic and low carb cookbooks at Borders the other day, so I hope that helps her out.  Ultimately I think it won’t matter as much as she thinks, but until she actually does it and puts it in practice, that’s another story.

The good thing is her blood glucose has been “normal” around 190 for a few days now, minus a peak once or twice, but nothing too serious.  I guess that means we are doing things the right way, but who knows.  Like I said, she is taking it in stride, it’s Mommy and Daddy that could have a nervous breakdown at any moment

Anyway, enough babble.  There you go, another quickie update hopefully giving you a glimpse of how she is doing.  How we are doing.  Now to try and tackle getting rid of or hiding all the food she can’t eat around the house  I also want to say thank you to everyone again that has reached out to us.  It amazes me how many people have sent some encouragement or prayers our way.  I truly feel loved and cared about, and I can’t thank you all enough for that.  I love you all!

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Literally walking dead here.  Was a long night trust me, but well worth it!  At about 3am Morgan woke up and for the most part was normal again  She smiled, ate, watched TV, all the usual stuff  We finally turned the corner.  She stayed up most of the night until she fell asleep from exhaustion at about 6pm.  During her time awake, we were able to get both IV’s removed allowing her to get down and run around and play.  Her appetite definitely was back as she ate quite a bit for breakfast and lunch, but by dinner time she was so tired she didn’t eat much.  Today started the first day of a new chapter.  Both Michelle and I had to practice giving shots, answer questions to make sure we were competent enough to allow Morgan to come home with us.  After our first roommate, it makes me thankful for what they do, because what seems like a no brainer to me in making sure my child will get the medicine she needs to survive, is not that important to some people, and that is just a sad state of affairs.  All going well and the doctors feel comfortable allowing her to come home, we all should be home tomorrow!

I really don’t think I will ever get Tuesday out of my mind.  I knew things were bad, but just didn’t know how bad.  Much like when Matthew was born and the naivety that everything would be fine, when in fact we were blessed to have a healthy baby boy premature by 6 weeks, weighing 3 pounds 10 ounces, without any issue at all.  In looking at blood glucose levels,  I see anything over 500 is considered possibly fatal.  A reminder that when Morgan checked in her blood glucose level was 536.  Honestly, I don’t know how else to continue with that, so let’s move on.

As I slowly lose focus because of my lack of sleep, let me go backwards for a minute as this question continues to come up.  How did we know?  Well the easy answer is we had no clue.  We did see some pointers, but nothing we really could point to and say, hey diabetes.  It all started about 3 weeks ago when Morgan puked.  I think the first time, but I could be wrong.  As most of it was chocolate, we assumed she was in the kitchen chomping on way too much without us knowing and she just got sick.  The other issue around this time was the constant urination.  We attributed this to just a bad case of diapers.  It seemed like every single diaper in the box leaked, when in fact she was just peeing so much, the diapers couldn’t keep up.  By changing the box of diapers it helped some but not a lot.  Looking back we also noticed that she was constantly thirsty.  She could not get enough to drink.  Finally, Tuesday, she puked twice in a manner of minutes and Michelle called the doc to get in as soon as possible.  And the rest as they say is history.

So that’s that.  I hope this may have answered some of your questions.  Honestly I don’t think I could say anymore at this point.  I literally am spacing out as I type I am so tired, so let me bid you adieu  have a good night all, and I can’t wait to tell everyone tomorrow that we are home and doing well.  Very quickly, I just want to say thank you to friends, family, coworkers, who have given their support in one fashion or another, through phone calls, texts, emails, Facebook posts and messages.  I can’t tell you how much it means knowing we have so many people praying and thinking of us during this time.  We love each and every one of you and I hope you know that!

Scott

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This morning the doctor here at AI Dupont confirmed that it is almost positively diabetes.  There are only a handful of things that it could be other than diabetes, and all of them are highly unlikely.  That being said, the last 24 hours, i think I have had information overload.  With all the information the hospital has given not to mention all the info I have looked up online, I think I have the basics covered.

For me, I think the biggest concern is diet and we are supposed to see a dietitian tomorrow.  From my previously limited knowledge and the fears I have, I think I am wrongly concerned but concerned none the less.  The doctor mentioned that the insulin nowadays is much more refined and diet doesn’t come into play any near as much as it did years ago.  As long as things are in moderation, he seemed to think she should have no problems.

It certainly seems like it will be a lot more work for us as parents that’s for sure.  Counting carbs, calculating carbs to insulin ratios, giving shots.  Trust me it does not sound like fun, especially to someone who doesn’t like needles.  But it’s for my baby.  That’s all that matters.

Anyway, as I sit and stare and my beautiful baby girl fast asleep in her steel crib and I think of everything that is to come, I am thankful that God has blessed me with not only this beautiful girl, but an amazing son and a beautiful wife to share this life with.

I know it has been awhile since I have posted but the only people that ever dropped by here are no on Facebook so that’s where I post most everything now, just in much smaller snip-its.  Anyway, excuse my talking out loud.  Michelle is home with Matthew, hopefully getting a good nights rest as I take hospital shift tonight.  I need to try and get some rest because I have a sneaking suspicion that I may be up most of the night with as much as she has slept today.  Good night all, thank you for listening, all 2 of you out there

Scott

P.S. – Christmas pictures posted

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Scott

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1. 
   Stafford, Matthew
2. 
   Smith, Jason
3. 
   Curry, Aaron
4. 
   Monroe, Eugene
5. 
   Orakpo, Brian
6. 
   Smith, Andre
7. 
   Maclin, Jeremy
8. 
   Sanchez, Mark – Washington
9. 
   Jackson, Tyson
10. 
    Crabtree, M.
11. 
    Oher, Michael
12. 
    Brown, Everette
13. 
    Raji, B.J. – Jacksonville
14. 
    Jenkins, Malcolm
15. 
    Jerry, Peria
16. 
    Freeman, Josh – Tampa Bay
17. 
    Ayers, Robert
18. 
    English, Larry
19. 
    Maualuga, Rey – San Diego
20. 
    Hood, Evander
21. 
    Moreno, K.
22. 
    Britton, Eben
23. 
    Matthews, Clay
24. 
    Maybin, Aaron
25. 
    Cushing, Brian
26. 
    Heyward-Bey, D.
27. 
    Harvin, Percy
28. 
    Pettigrew, B.
29. 
    Britt, Kenny
30. 
    Nicks, Hakeem
31. 
    Wells, Chris
32. 
    Mack, Alex

As far as the Eagles go, I am hoping Knowshon Moreno lands at 21 for us, otherwise we may trade down again since there is no one that stands out at that point.  I think we need to come out of the draft with a RB, a safety, depth on the O-Line, and maybe TE.  Here’s my wish list: Round 1 – RB – Knowshon Moreno/LeSean McCoy, Round 2 – OLB – Clint Sinthim/Marcus Freeman, Round 3 – S – Patrick Chung, Round 5 – OT – Ramon Foster, Round 5 – Trade for 2010 4th Round, Round 5 – TE – Anthony Hill, Round 5 – OLB – Zack Follett, Round 6 – CB/S – Brandon Underwood, Round 7 – QB – Mike Reilly

Time for me to do some housework so I can justify sitting in front of the TV all night long   Have a good day all!

Scott

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Scott

Too late…Matthew’s up now, better luck next week

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Morgan – It’s amazing how time flies.  Morgan’s growing like a weed.  Amazingly it’s almost been a year.  She is crawling great and getting around everywhere.  She has started crawling up the stairs which we had to rope off   She has 4 teeth now, two front top and bottom.  She laughs and smiles all the time, except when you try and put a camera in front of her face   Other than that she is great!

Matthew – Is good.  Getting into quite a bit of trouble not listening.  Michelle thinks it has to do with the attention Morgan is getting, but I just don’t buy it.  He has always had issues with listening to us.  He can recite the Subway song or beer commercials non stop but as to what i told him 5 minutes ago, forget about it, literally.  He is a great kid, don’t let me fool you.  I just wish he would listen a little more

Vacation – For valentines day I surprised Michelle and Matthew with a trip to Disney World.  We will be staying at the Animal Kingdom Lodge from May 9th through May 16th.  This will be our second trip to Disney and I can’t be more excited.  I ended up getting an all inclusive thing with food and the whole nine yards.  Michelle has since made reservations at various restaurants around Disney for almost every meal!  Most places you have to set up reservations well in advance.  Anyway, I almost wish it was closer because I am really excited.

Other than that not too much going on.  Our car has been in the shop for 4 days with a broken timing belt and some other minor ailments, as much as almost two grand can be minor.  Right now I am working from home looking out at about a foot of snow so i have to prepare after lunch to go out and get pelted by snowballs by my son who wont stop asking me   I have put some pics up, and I do apologize.  I can’t believe my last upload was before Halloween.  Anyway I think that will do it for now.  Enjoy the quick update and we’ll talk to you soon.

Scott

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Morgan is growing well.  We had the first tooth pop out a couple of weeks ago.  It really hurts, no not her, but my finger when she constantly chews on them   She is standing up well on us, hasn’t stood on her own yet.  She is sitting up great on her own.  She defintely tries to crawl but gets frustrated when she doesn’t get there fast enough.  Part of her problem is she only rolls one sided, to the right.

Right now Michelle is feeding her, and she’s eating a ton.  Not sure if she is really hungry or heating up the food has helped, but she went through one bowl and Michele asked if she should give her more.  I said if she wants it give it to her   She likes carrots, doesn’t like green beans, and doesn’t like the cereal much.  Bananas didn’t do much for her, too sweet maybe, because with every bite she would ive that tart face look, it was hilarious

She loves her bouncer.  She will stand in it and bounce for quite some time.  She enjoys it so much when she stands on Michelle or I she will still bounce all over.  Sleeping is still an issue.  Once every three or four weeks she just refuses to sleep and last night was that night.  Michelle tried for a few hours and was unsuccessful, so I finally took her.  I tried walking around with her, tried laying down with her, finally I came downstairs to try and let Michelle get some sleep.  After about a half hour, I think she gave up   I put her in her swing when she got quiet and kept talking to her until she fell asleep.  Then I proceeded to endure a horrendous nights sleep on the couch   But she slept until 7:30, a full 6 or 7 hours, so that was great.  I passed her off to Michelle upstairs and came back down to sleep a little longer.

Well wasted enough time, let me try and get some things done today.  Hope all of you are doing well.

Scott

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All is well on the home front.  Morgan and Matthew are doing very good.  No issues to speak of other than Matthew’s not listening and getting in trouble.  Morgan’s getting pretty big   I think Michelle mentioned 16 pounds recently.  We have an official doctors appointment the 20th so can update you then.  Matthew is learning more numbers and letters everyday.  He just came downstairs and had a Pizza Hut magnet in his hand and rattled off the phone number and said “Daddy let’s call Pizza Hut, I like Pizza Hut for dinner.”  He’s smart, sometimes too smart   Also some new pics added.  Not much outside of our trip to the zoo, but a few decent shots.

Work is work.  Keeping me very busy.  The week vacation I had in October seemed to just disintegrate into nothing.  I have 4 weeks to squeeze into the last bit of the year and that’s not gonna happen.  I am taking a week after Thanksgiving and two more after Christmas, but the third is not going to happen.  I honestly can’t wait for the one after Thanksgiving.  I just want some time off.  Try and relax around the house and not think about computers for awhile.  But I doubt that will be the case.  Christmas we have plans to go see my family down at Bethany beach again.  Becoming almost tradition and I don’t mind it at all.  I love the beach.  Hate the sand, love the beach so the cold weather makes it great since I don’t have to get hounded for take me to the beach

I’ve got a couple of other blogs floating in my head, but just don’t feel like articulating them right now with the laundry and dishes to do so they will have to wait for vacation.  Hope that catches up for now and keeps you subdued for at least a few weeks.  Not much else to report.  Hope everyone out there is doing well.

Love and Miss you All!  Scott

P.S. before I forget.  Anyone wanting to know gift ideas for Christmas, Michelle’s dad is getting us a Wii, which I am grateful for since that was what I was going to get, so anything Wii related for any of us, since it will definitely be used by all of us   For Matthew he is in love with Star Wars, Spiderman, Iron Man, and Transformers.  Cars is still good, but he has pulled away from them quite a bit.  For Morgan, clothes would be great, 9-12 months.  And if you actually were thinking about Michelle or I, feel free to put anything towards the kids.  This year is gonna be tight for us with the two houses so I have no problem everyone neglecting us.

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